It all started back in June, when I’ve taken my first eye on a person I’ve fell in love with. It wasn’t easy for me to fall in love with another person again because I’ve not fall in love so deeply and madly with a person for years, but until the beginning of June when I met this person, so charming, so full with charismatic, so full with attraction which has brought love to me, and there is where it brought me to the first step of approaching.
It was back then when things started happening, in a good way. I’ve seen you much often than usual, getting so attached to you until I think I’ve quite gotten into your nerves, that you’ve started avoiding me. All until the day you were sick, and that is when more chemistry happens. Thanks to you that I’ve learned how to cook to care and love for a person, and thank you for giving me this chance. I know I might not be the best cook around the whole wide world, but I really hope it helped to cure your sickness at that moment.
Things changed more back then when I remember that day when you’ve started answering my phone. I know I can be quite a noisy person, and I know I can be quite annoying. I’m sorry to scare you away, but all I’ve always wanted was to grab your attention more than others trying to grab your attention. I didn’t know it would hurt so much to try that hard, but all I know that this beautiful story didn’t just end this way, and that is how it all started, back then on 11 June 2011.
The story moved on to the summer of July in the beautiful United Kingdom. I’ve started to looked wider and upon my sexuality, as how I’ve tried to hide all these while. I know that sometimes being different is always a bad thing, but not this. No matter how I’ve seen this, this was beautiful. I didn’t know how much should I care and how much effort should I make, but seems like this wasn’t enough. I didn’t know how to deal with things, but I’ve started telling people without any fear in my heart any longer. Although there are still some doubts about it, but I was sure that you brought me the first step into my reality of life and thank you for doing that.
I still remember the our first kiss, the kiss that you’ve given to me, the first kiss you’ve thought me on how magical it could be, and the first kiss which has changed my life for the whole 3 months of getting together with you. The life was different, and definitely the best life I’ve ever had. Each kisses gave me more courage to love you more and each kisses has definitely brought more love from me to you, and that is how much love you’ve brought to me today, and that is how much I love you today. We hung out in my room often, getting busy with our assignments, at the same time spending time together. I’m sorry I didn’t date you out for a walk that often, because I was really tired at that moment, and now I regret.
The story continued into the first step of autumn of August when we’ve walked together, playing together in clubs. I’m sorry that I was being strict on you on drinking, but I was only concerned on your health, because it was never good. I’ve promised that I would drink with you as much as you want once we’re back, and I hope I really did put up to that promise. This is also the month when you held my hands tight and I’ve asked you to let go. I’m sorry I did that. But if there was a chance for me to correct what is wrong, I’d never have let it go, never.
August wasn’t a long month till September arrives when things comes apart that each of us had to walk our ways after our studies, and with high hopes that I thought that things would be back as usual when we’re gathered again, but I was wrong. Things have most definitely changed when I was back. Throughout my trip around Scotland and Europe, each and every step I made; each and every breath I take, I was missing you like crazy, and even now, I’m still missing you madly, until the day when I was back when you’ve told me that we could only continue being friends, and that was the day everything has changed.
I know that it might sound weird to say that I’ve cried for days, but indeed I did. I’ve cried over the phone; cried in my own room; cried even at the last night that I was with you, fulfilling my promise to drink with you. I couldn't even sleep since the day you told me that you're leaving me, thinking about you all day and night long, without fail, and you're the first person who could do that to me, and I appreciate it. It was not easy for me to take that challenge, because I was having hopes that I would have you back by my side. You held up the phone and called me, started asking me questions, beginning off with what was inside the bag of souvenirs. I’ve answered every single souvenir, but I was so stupid to miss out a thing, the letter that I’ve wrote to you, telling you on how much I love you, hoping that you would be back for me, hoping that I could call you my dear once again.
You’ve also told me stories that I didn’t really want to listen to, but I’ve listened, saying that you’ve found another man. It was a hard story for me to accept, and really, I took it really hard, and sorry that I was so stupid that I did not try to even bring you back, because what I thought was that the best thing to do is to leave you to show on how much I really love you, for you to do the things you love.
You’ve told me to never feel sad seeing you being with another man in the future, and I’ve promised you that I will not be, but at that stance, my heart was squashing like mad, and now I’ve regret. But a promise is a promise. I know I’m still madly and deeply in love with you right now, I know I’m still missing you so much right now, hoping that your lips would touch mine once again, seeing that spark between us once again, but seems like the autumn leaves have fallen and there is nothing to save left.
I know I was being stupid at all times because I was stupidly, madly blurred by my love to you. And if there was any chance for me to get you back, I would do anything to get you back into my arms, hugging you tight and never letting you go again, and this I promise. I knew that I’ve promised many things, but I hope to fulfill it. I promised to let you go, but I just couldn’t. Telling myself to wait for you to be back seems like another false hope. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know what to continue, and I didn’t know how to continue writing this piece of story any longer, because giving blessings to them is just another lie in my heart. Although I would really wish that they would live happily ever after, but I wouldn’t wish my story to end right here.
This story was beautiful, was loving, was charming, but has come to a full stop, even when I was wishing to continue writing chapters of stories about our love. If there were a chance for me to change and to get you back, just tell me, because I would do anything to get you back. But for now, if you needed somebody, I would always be there for you no matter what happens, especially when you fall, and that is when I will be there for you, always.
I love you.
1 October 2011
7:34am
