It has been years since a word was written to be read. Usually, it will be an unpleasant moment in life that sentences are uttered through words... and it had been an unwell season for all, a disease without a cure, where trust diminishes, with love and life, and possibly, a living - lust.
I was a boy, a nerd, or a geed you might call, a naive boy with shyness straying away down the streets of the concrete jungle and a lone ranger seeking ways for survival. One fine day, I was cracked apart, to be a man of my own by the few special person I've met in my life.
As life cycle goes on, ups and downs in life is unavoidable, and so the ship continues to sail through the stormy weather.
Having a challenging past poses great rewards ahead, and not to say, greater challenges. Being promoted again and again in jobs, and a hop in my career to where I am today, the head was held high like the captain of a ship, receiving massive rewards from bounties attained. But unpredictable dark days are still ahead, unknown, and uncertain.
While I was drowning within my ego, dark days struct. It was that night when lust took over my life, the evil in the heart, the crave for love, the hunger for a companion. Without knowing, hurting a shipmate who was then inspiration to my life, a brother, a friend. Since then the ship wrecked.
It was indeed a stupid instinct, an idiotic action, but all can be done today is patching up the wreckage. The patches, a scar to remember forever. It can be demolished and rebuilt to its initial look, but deep within, those memories is harshly marked... a scar, a wound, a stab, that will never be forgotten.
7 years of sailing was never easy. But with just a pinch of lust, pure love was transformed into unprecedented evil. I can neither forgive myself, nor do I beg for forgiveness. All I'll ever ask for is an opportunity for me to continue loving you, and a chance for another love from you.
A family is never about the blood, but the bond created within, and I do realise my mistake, crossing the line. I'm sorry, and I truly do.
This evilness broke not just the ship we have sail upon, but also the ships around me I've built in life. It wasn't a pure and honest mistake, it was a tragedy known upon.
It has become an oath I walked upon, which has opened my eyes into the bright blue sky once again. Storm might be over, but the scars remain. I've learnt my lesson, and I vow to change, continue to love everyone the right way, dismissing lust, re-patching scars, and regaining trust.
Life will never be the same again. But the days are still far away, once again, the dark days, hopefully I'm fully prepared by then, dismissing lust, and continue to love... the right way.
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