Seems like this...

I know that it is hard for you to read this message, but there are a few things that I want you to know…

Seems like life has come to a point when things have changed for both of us. It is always hard for me to tell you things that I should’ve discuss with you all these while but seems like things weren’t as easy as I thought. I kind of knew that this would have happened but have always kept hope that things will be better after everything is over. I was being so naive thinking that things will be the same as how it was back then when I’m home. But things have changed. Changes which have brought many thoughts into my mind.

I was away for a month for a trip around Europe after my studies, and didn’t know what decision to make when I knew that I had to leave you away, but seems like the decision I made was wrong, leaving you alone. But I was thinking about you the whole journey of my trip. Every single step I take, every single move I make, you’re the person I think about at all times. But one thing I wasn’t concern about is who you were thinking at that time, because things have changed. I remember asking you “will you miss me if I were to leave for so long”, and at that moment, your answer was “you’ll find out soon”, and seems like I’ve already found out the answer when these words came from you today.

I didn’t know how to respond at that moment, I didn’t know how to deal with that kind of response, because all I’ve ever hoped for is to be with the person I’ve loved. I still remember when I was in Rome making a wish in the wishing well, when we would need to toss 2 coins into the pond to make our wish come true. The first coin is a promise to be back at Rome, while the second coin is my wish, and I’ve wished to live with the person I loved so much at that moment. Seems like wishes are just dreams after all.

My heart was filled with bitterness and my eyes were flooded with tears, flashing back those memories. I still remember you holding my hand so tight that I felt so much in loved with when we were in the club, but I’ve asked to let go, which I’ve regretted for life, because that is what I didn’t want you to do at all. I didn’t want you to let go of my hands. It is just because that it is still too hard for me to accept the reality of life, which is why I’ve asked you to let go. But, I’ll never ever do that again if I’m given another chance. I know how much it felt, but I’ve felt that I was loved so much by you at that moment. So much that words could not describe.

I know that I’m still not on par with how you live your life but I’m learning and I’m trying. Cause in my life, all I’ve known is how to walk straight to the ending point of my life and not having fun with it, but I know I’m trying hard to learn and change, and even though I’m not there yet before the time limit is up, I will try harder, if there is still a next time. But all I want you to know is that I’ve loved you like I always did back then, and up till today, it is still the same. I know that this relationship will not happen when it is only a single sided love, but I just want you to know that I really did the right choice loving you at the first place.

I know it is hard for me to let you go, but chemistry won’t happen when it has only a type of chemical in it. But all I want you to know now is that I’ll still be there for you when you needed somebody, and all you need to do is just to tell me and I’ll try my best to be there for you, at all times. I loved you, and I really did.