Voice of my life ~ with half of my heart…

EVER WONDER HOW YOU WILL FEEL WHEN THERE IS SOMEBODY OUTSIDE WHO ARE TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU FELT ALL THIS WHILE, ESPECIALLY IN REGARDS TO RELATIONSHIP MATTERS. AMAZING HUH?

“Coincidence" or "Fated” was the word running around my head throughout the afternoon and night when I started browsing through a blog that has spoken out words from my heart. Although these words are made in general therefore everyone could felt it, but those words were deeply felt within my heart as if they were mine; as if they just happened; as if it was there.

I know that you might be going through some hard times now due to lots f unavoidable circumstances, and I know that I couldn’t be by your side due to a few uncontrolled factors which has totally ruined everything between you and me all these years.

But when I browsed through this blog and also on the agenda that has happened recently, that feeling was like dropping an atomic bomb to me; just like another harsh stab deep down to my heart, but I knew that I really have to face this matter myself by using all the guts I have to face this world.

This blog was written by an author named Mary Allison by the blog of “with half of my heart”. Within this blog, below are a few of the writings which had been a part of my life all these while:

“I absolutely hate not knowing what to say; I want to say so much, I just don’t know how to do it.”

(Allison, 2011)

Because it always felt so awkward to be with you as in there is a barrier between us that has always kept us apart from each other. It is always so hard to even talk to you because every word you talked about would make such a deep impression to me, and so do my speeches to you. Because of this, words used are always that careful as not to hurt you, but seems like this has turned into something that kept us apart, kept me from waiting, and kept you from leaving.

“It was because of the sensitivity that kept us apart

and not other factors which has been pointed all these years;

it was the heart, not the thoughts”

(Eu, 2011)

Allison continued with something I guessed would have happened, and I think has ended as well:

“I guess I never should have loved you, but I do forever ‘cause you loved me”

(Allison, 2011)

I knew that it was as if I started the whole thing that kept us from improving, but you were the person taking the steps of moving forward. I am not here to point fingers at you anymore, but to be honest with you. I knew that it was not your fault for me to fall in love with you, but if I had never met you, I wouldn’t have fall in love to such an incredible person in my life, which has really inspired me a lot, even until today, on how to live my life. But I never knew that things were going to go bad.

To be honest, I hated you when you first barge into my room all the time back in college. But you let me found out that the world beyond my room is much more interesting than staying back in my room; you brought me to the wonders of the world; and you never let me felt lonely before. And now I missed you barging into my room, and I've been hoping that you would do it everyday for the rest of my life because it felt so warmth to be with you. But now I know that turning back is not possible anymore, because things have gone way apart.

“Never let your thoughts go out of hand;

never hate someone in your life,

because karma does exist within this world”

(Eu, 2011)

“If great things in life were in your control, control it well,

and never let it go until you die,

or else,

you would regret it for your whole life.”

(Eu, 2011)

Reading this blog is like time traveling, telling me about my past; telling me about all the things I should’ve known back then to gain what I could have today; but things have gone forever, without any U turn or whatsoever.

“You were the one person I didn’t want to become a stranger in my life, and now it seems like as days go by, the more we become strangers to one another”

(Allison, 2011)

“You’ll forget me eventually like everyone else”

(Allison, 2011)

And it has already happened, as I have been forgotten all these while. But because I was stupid enough to try my effort back on you, I kept calling and although I feel it as if I am bugging you all the time, but I really do hope that things would get back as how it were. But this has happened long ago.

“Give freedom to love, as it needs to grasp some fresh air,

to be kept fresh all the time”

(Eu, 2011)

But I really hope that this would be the quote of the night from me to you:

“Did you know that when people appear in your dreams, it’s because that person wants to see you “

(Time Magazine, plotted from Cassandra’s blog – "Miles to go before I sleep")

But I’ve never ever dreamed of you, probably only once or twice, in which I was hoping and wished that I could just dreamed of you all the time, but perhaps not anymore. Because this will be the end of everything. Although it has felt like the safety, comfy, warmth feeling beside me has gone and it really doesn’t feel good because it gives me insomnia, but your life and my life have to live on. Although it is really hard for me to put down, but at least I know that I had some great time with you before, and all those will definitely be stored within this memory, hope to be dissolved someday.

Even though there are times where life were to be missed and people would regret, it would also be the time for me to thank you for everything that you've done for me and I'll never forget every single bit of you in my whole life, because this was the greatest thing that has ever happened in my youth life. Thank you.

Blogs Referred (click title/name for link):

1) With Half of My Heart - by Mary Allison

2) Miles to Go Before I Sleep - by Cassandra

(P/S: Thank you for contributing such great blogs to the world. Continue your effort as you'll be supported)