The Waiting…

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO GAIN FOR SOMETHING YOU DIDN’T SEE IT COMING? AND HOW WILL IT FEEL WHEN YOU COULD FORESEE THE FUTURE COMING TO YOU? ANXIOUS? HAPPY? NERVOUS? OR JUST BLANK? IT DEPENDS…

It was a few days ago that a bad sinus hit me on my nose, in which it has been here for years since I was diagnosed with sinus. It has turned real bad until I would need to undergo an operation, and I didn’t know how it felt when the doctor first told me that he would advice me to undergo an operation, as this would be my first operation after so many years, since I couldn’t remember when.

The blank mind just came to me, and out of a sudden, so many questions popped into my mind. Doctor told me that it would only be a minor surgery, but it would definitely be a big effect for me, starting all my life again by training my singing again? I’m so used to sing in my current condition. Just couldn’t believe that this would actually happen to me.

I just do not know what to do? Just make an appointment date and undergo a surgery or continue with my life through the intake of medicine. Minor surgery doesn’t mean it won’t affect, it does. Although it is might not be huge for others, but it would be huge for me if it would affect my singing. Therefore, it is a hard decision to hold. But humans do make choices in their life, and so, this would be the biggest choice of my life, the biggest choice that might change my life forever, and also the biggest choice that might bring my life a step forward forever.

Nothing Lasts ~ But If I Knew Then… things would be different...

VALENTINES JUST PASSED BY THE CORNER, AND EVERYONE MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT THAT THEIR LOVE TOWARDS EACH OTHER MIGHT GET DEEPER EACH AND EVERY DAY SINCE THEY STARTED, AND EVENTUALLY WOULD LAST FOREVER, ETERNALLY. AND IF THAT WEREN’T TO BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING ON EARTH, I JUST SIMPLY COULDN’T FIND ANYTHING TO REPLACE ITS BEAUTY. BUT THE FACT IS, NOTHING LASTS…

Lady Antebellum, 5 award winners for the 2011 Grammys had its collection of music in their album “Need You Now”, in which various songs have touched my heart, especially the song “If I Knew Then” towards the current situation that I am facing right now.

Probably I’ve found somebody that might be suitable for me to click into my life, but seems that the past life just wouldn’t let me go, which is also the reason why I am ditching the main source that scratches my painful heart, again and again.

“The first time that I saw you, looking like you did, we were young, we were restless, just two clueless kids”, and with naïve thoughts and never knew that things today might have happened, where both of us has walked different path, even though one of them would still like to have their way with the other. But, things had to go when it is under this situation, although it hurts, “but if I knew then, what I know now, I’d fall in love”…

Without turning back my head this time, although life might continue as usual, and we might pass by each other someday once again, and just a smile on the face to each other, shall the place be left with a small piece of incomplete memories once again, until it fades away; until it goes away and not even a single piece of puzzle to be found within our thought.

“Cause love only comes once in a while, and knocks on your door, and throws you a smile… and takes every breath, leaves every scar, speaks through your soul, and sings to your heart”, and shall all the greatest memories lies beneath the thoughts of the present and the future. Although it hurts to do so, “but if I knew then, what I know now, I’d fall in love”.

Everything only knocks on the door once in a lifetime. Once it is gone, it will be gone forever, and shall be turned into a dream never to be accomplished…

Voice of my life ~ with half of my heart…

EVER WONDER HOW YOU WILL FEEL WHEN THERE IS SOMEBODY OUTSIDE WHO ARE TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU FELT ALL THIS WHILE, ESPECIALLY IN REGARDS TO RELATIONSHIP MATTERS. AMAZING HUH?

“Coincidence" or "Fated” was the word running around my head throughout the afternoon and night when I started browsing through a blog that has spoken out words from my heart. Although these words are made in general therefore everyone could felt it, but those words were deeply felt within my heart as if they were mine; as if they just happened; as if it was there.

I know that you might be going through some hard times now due to lots f unavoidable circumstances, and I know that I couldn’t be by your side due to a few uncontrolled factors which has totally ruined everything between you and me all these years.

But when I browsed through this blog and also on the agenda that has happened recently, that feeling was like dropping an atomic bomb to me; just like another harsh stab deep down to my heart, but I knew that I really have to face this matter myself by using all the guts I have to face this world.

This blog was written by an author named Mary Allison by the blog of “with half of my heart”. Within this blog, below are a few of the writings which had been a part of my life all these while:

“I absolutely hate not knowing what to say; I want to say so much, I just don’t know how to do it.”

(Allison, 2011)

Because it always felt so awkward to be with you as in there is a barrier between us that has always kept us apart from each other. It is always so hard to even talk to you because every word you talked about would make such a deep impression to me, and so do my speeches to you. Because of this, words used are always that careful as not to hurt you, but seems like this has turned into something that kept us apart, kept me from waiting, and kept you from leaving.

“It was because of the sensitivity that kept us apart

and not other factors which has been pointed all these years;

it was the heart, not the thoughts”

(Eu, 2011)

Allison continued with something I guessed would have happened, and I think has ended as well:

“I guess I never should have loved you, but I do forever ‘cause you loved me”

(Allison, 2011)

I knew that it was as if I started the whole thing that kept us from improving, but you were the person taking the steps of moving forward. I am not here to point fingers at you anymore, but to be honest with you. I knew that it was not your fault for me to fall in love with you, but if I had never met you, I wouldn’t have fall in love to such an incredible person in my life, which has really inspired me a lot, even until today, on how to live my life. But I never knew that things were going to go bad.

To be honest, I hated you when you first barge into my room all the time back in college. But you let me found out that the world beyond my room is much more interesting than staying back in my room; you brought me to the wonders of the world; and you never let me felt lonely before. And now I missed you barging into my room, and I've been hoping that you would do it everyday for the rest of my life because it felt so warmth to be with you. But now I know that turning back is not possible anymore, because things have gone way apart.

“Never let your thoughts go out of hand;

never hate someone in your life,

because karma does exist within this world”

(Eu, 2011)

“If great things in life were in your control, control it well,

and never let it go until you die,

or else,

you would regret it for your whole life.”

(Eu, 2011)

Reading this blog is like time traveling, telling me about my past; telling me about all the things I should’ve known back then to gain what I could have today; but things have gone forever, without any U turn or whatsoever.

“You were the one person I didn’t want to become a stranger in my life, and now it seems like as days go by, the more we become strangers to one another”

(Allison, 2011)

“You’ll forget me eventually like everyone else”

(Allison, 2011)

And it has already happened, as I have been forgotten all these while. But because I was stupid enough to try my effort back on you, I kept calling and although I feel it as if I am bugging you all the time, but I really do hope that things would get back as how it were. But this has happened long ago.

“Give freedom to love, as it needs to grasp some fresh air,

to be kept fresh all the time”

(Eu, 2011)

But I really hope that this would be the quote of the night from me to you:

“Did you know that when people appear in your dreams, it’s because that person wants to see you “

(Time Magazine, plotted from Cassandra’s blog – "Miles to go before I sleep")

But I’ve never ever dreamed of you, probably only once or twice, in which I was hoping and wished that I could just dreamed of you all the time, but perhaps not anymore. Because this will be the end of everything. Although it has felt like the safety, comfy, warmth feeling beside me has gone and it really doesn’t feel good because it gives me insomnia, but your life and my life have to live on. Although it is really hard for me to put down, but at least I know that I had some great time with you before, and all those will definitely be stored within this memory, hope to be dissolved someday.

Even though there are times where life were to be missed and people would regret, it would also be the time for me to thank you for everything that you've done for me and I'll never forget every single bit of you in my whole life, because this was the greatest thing that has ever happened in my youth life. Thank you.

Blogs Referred (click title/name for link):

1) With Half of My Heart - by Mary Allison

2) Miles to Go Before I Sleep - by Cassandra

(P/S: Thank you for contributing such great blogs to the world. Continue your effort as you'll be supported)

WASEH!!! STILL WANT TO CELEBRATE AGAIN AR??!!! 3rd TIME NEW YEAR D WEH!!!

IT WAS ONCE AGAIN, A NEW YEAR CELEBRATION FOR THE HOKKIEN PEOPLE, WHERE THE CELEBRATION FALLS ON THE 9TH DAY OF CHINESE NEW YEAR.

Fireworks once again seen covering the skies as another Chinese New Year celebration for the Hokkien people all around the world. For those who do not know what Hokkien people are, Hokkien are a clan of Chinese that speak in a Chinese dialect known as Hokkien. Every year, on the 9th day of Chinese New Year celebration, the Hokkien clan would prepare a special celebration this day as a day to offer prayers to the Jade Emperor of Heaven in the Taoist Pantheon.

According to the myth, the Jade Emperor of Heaven saved the Hokkien Clan during the Chaotic Period in the late part of the Chinese History. This had made the 9th day of Lunar Chinese New Year to be an important day for the Hokkien Clan. Also, according to the website referred, there are a list of items as long as 32 types of different dishes to be prepared for the way, in which I think would be quite unnecessary, as what is important would be the heart of gratitude rather than presenting the food and forget about the Jade Emperor after the food presentation. I think the Jade Emperor would have enough food every year because everyone is presenting him with lots of food. Therefore, always be grateful.

Even though it was only a myth told by the elders, but who knows that it might be the truth? What if Jade Emperor really didn’t come for the rescue? Perhaps, the Hokkien clan wouldn’t exist around this world anymore. Therefore, just be grateful that the Hokkiens are still living right now on earth, as this wouldn’t harm you a little bit by sharing some food of yours to the Emperor right? Sharing is caring. :)

Here are some pictures on what are the rituals done for this festive. Enjoy... ^^

Information Sources:
Wikipedia
Javewu.multiply.com

To Love Somebody... to love somebody...

HAVE YOU FELL IN LOVE AND NEVER BE LOVED BY THE PERSON YOU LOVED? I THINK THIS IS EXATLY HOW YOU FEEL.

Everyone has their own love story to tell, their own light that they thought they would have to shine their life forever, but never happened, either ended up with some other blubs or alone. And for that, if things doesn’t work out any better, it will never work out anymore, just like a blown off light bulb.

Looking from the person who is loved, but never knew or didn’t want to be loved because there is someone else that this person is loving, is always unfair, as all the time, all the tricks that you’ve used to love him, all ended up with somebody else, but not you.

It is always an unfair world, where people choose things that they want, and couldn’t appreciate and accepting that they have, because it is always the nature of human. But most of the time, it never works no matter how hard you have tried, because this is a cruel world, and never meant to work out your way. But because of the word “feeling” or “love”, people are turned blind, wouldn’t give up until the end, even though the results are obvious that this person would not want to be yours anymore.

“To love somebody, to love somebody, the way I loved you” is the part that it hurts the most. Although it hurts, and it is not true to bless other people’s happiness and remain the suffering ourselves, but seems like that is the only way out, as time never turns back. If you didn’t grab what were yours in the past, it never will be yours again, never. Therefore, the only choice is to live with it, although it hurts, but remember, there is never a turning back… because this is the cruelty of life.

"The only choice in life is to walk straight till the end"

(Eu, 2011)

Time of Your Life ~~ Greenday

IT’S SOMETHING UNPREDICTABLE, BUT IN THE END IT’S RIGHT...AND THAT WILL BE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE…

Everyone had the time of their life in different levels of life, from childhood to adulthood, where every different sections of life would bring great memories, regardless of whether it is a memory to be remembered or not, but still, it would live forever with us.

The time of our life is happens unconsciously, without knowing on how hard we worked for it or did it just came spontaneously, great time would never stop it’s job by bringing more life to each of our life every day, every minute, every second, and every breath of our life.

Therefore, appreciate everything that is in your hands before it runs away, discard things that you think it is not important in your life at all and go ahead, run towards the greatness of life and never look back, because time would never stop or reverse.

Just like this time of my life, great people are met in life, some stayed and some left, but things come and go, therefore, just keep going forward, as the time of your life would get better every step you take to the front, just like the time I spent with my band mates, as all of these will only be a memory someday, that would only leave it’s trace in this world. Therefore, enjoy this cover by me and Suresh (guitarist), Time of My Life by Greenday. ^^

Shedding Tears…

RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE AN ITENARY MADE BY GLASS SOLD IN DECORATION SHOPS, ONCE BROKEN CONSIDER SOLD, AS THERE IS NO TURNING BACK…

Tears falling down from the cheeks, making another night of mine a night to recall again things that should not be recalled, as this feeling wants me to go back to the life I was supposed to have, supposed to grabbed on, and supposed to live with; but dreams are shattered now.

These thoughts that made me awake all night long, keeping me awake from sleep, separating me away from my dreams, making me happy for an instant, but flashing back once again; dreams are shattered again.

Hairs that are growing longer which might turn white someday, and skins that was once smooth might be full with wrinkles the next day, are days that are coming forth to my life, and once again, hoping that everything would happen together with you; but once again, dreams are shattered.

I know that things can never turn back because things shall go forward the way it should be as this is also the nature of time, on never turning backwards. But I really do not know on whether I should be going forward or staying behind waiting for another chance to be together.

Life is just so hard, but please… grab me or leave me. I know that all these while, it was my problem and I didn’t want to solve it. But it is just so hard as things are getting really tense and different around you, and not me. I chose to let go before, but never knew that it was just so hard, as the wheel of fortune turns me back.

Just tell me what to do… please…

“A Dreams Will Always be A Dream...”

(Naok Yee How, 2011)

Another New Year??!!! I Thought We Just Celebrated A New Year A Month Ago??

AND YES, IT IS ANOTHER CHINESE NEW YEAR CELEBRATED IN 2011, AND THIS YEAR, BETTER THINGS HAPPENED, TREMENDOUS THINGS OCCUR AND HOPING THAT IT WOULD BE ANOTHER AWESOME YEAR AHEAD FOR ALL CHINESE. ^^

Chinese New Year, another year waited by every Chinese all around the world to meet up with family members and also for the young ones to be happy about getting a little bit more money inserted into a red packet to be given out as a blessing from the adults for a better and prosperous year ahead.

Therefore, every year, our relatives from all over the world would travel back to a place known as Padang Serai located in Kedah, just to celebrate this Chinese New Year together with family members. This is the miracle part of it because relatives don’t really meet up together during normal days because everyone is so busy with their own life that family relations have been abandoned throughout the year, therefore, this would be the time for everyone to get together. Although it was a long journey back home, but the atmosphere was hyped up as everyone was having fun during this festive season.

Our young little model: Damiah...

... and of course not to forget our baby model: Dahlia...

(seems like she grew up a lot... haha...)

... and looks like somebody is getting naughty...

... not to forget their sleepy brother...

together with another new born, Ji Yan

... With her Sister, Genie, this new year...

... which has brought more lights to this festive...

... which would then lead to some happiness ^^...

... ok... perhaps I'm wrong about this... haha...

... And of course not to forget the tradition of this festive...

... And also some prayers for safety throughout the year...

... and not to forget to save the environment at the same time by not polluting them...

... and of course, flashing back some old memories within some historical buildings...

... Of course not to forget the fun part of every Chinese New Year,

Lion Dance Performances...

... which has taken up sweats and bloods just as an entertainment for others...

... and also some family time spent together during this festive...

*this is really not what I meant by playing iPad*

... Of course, tossing some luck and prosperous for a New Year...

... celebrated with a little bit of red wine...

... adding on with a little Japanese flavour this year...

... together with some fusion ice cream...

... and also some movies and television together...

(Jeslyn Tai: Fashion Blogger... Click here to view)

... And of course, some family pictures together... ^^

(Gramps... ya'll are lucky to have so many grandchildren...)

... and of course, it would be time to explore the nearby areas...

... with Dahlia shopping around a 24 hour Kiosk...

... would definitely be one of the best Chinese New Year I've ever had up till today...

Wishing Everyone Happy Chinese New Year

Good Luck and Have a Prosperous Year Ahead... ^^

Behind the scene

Ok... perhaps it wasn't all fun at all during this Chinese New Year because it was long enough... therefore, this is an example of a scene when you and your cousin are not doing anything... Facebook... -.-" and this was what happened... LOLZ!!!